While many people know me as being fun living, thoughtful, and considerate, some remember me for my lesser moments of being an insensitive buffoon. Generally, I can be quite empathetic and caring, which often allows me to be a wonderful host and enjoyable company. But sometimes, I’m just an asshole.
I don’t necessarily mean to be, but I have a lot of thoughts screaming around in my head at any given moment, and sometimes, I cling to the wrong ones and express them at inappropriate times. Basically, when I focus my attention properly, I can be quite prolific, some have even said brilliant. But if I listen to my ego, I say some really stupid shit.
For instance, last night I attended the poetry group I started 3 years ago, having passed the hosting baton to my friend Martha when I left to ride my motorcycle around the country. A woman who has been coming with her husband for the last few weeks, both of whom I really like and wanted to get to know better, shared her second poem about someone she has lost within the last couple of weeks after they received a Covid vaccination. Within a week of each other, she lost both a friend and a family member.
After clarifying whom she lost, I asked which vaccine they got. She said that it was the Astrazeneca, which is basically the Pfizer shot in the UK from what I understand. So my stupid ego, apparently bereft of empathy says, “I got both Pfizer shots.”
Normally, I don’t talk about Covid, and I should have stuck to that rule. All I really know about Covid is that there is a lot of misinformation out there, and because I don’t want to spread any more ignorance than necessary, I just don’t talk about it.
Obviously, that may not be the best way to deal with a global pandemic that has rocked the world, and perhaps my frustration of being so ignorant may have had something to do with my ridiculous response. As a matter of fact, it’s probably safe to say that ignorance is the cause of most of my inaccurate moments. Basically, when I ignore the fact that my true purpose here is to just love other people, I get caught up listening to my ego, which usually responds in fear.
So if you come across someone who says something inappropriate that possibly offends you, I hope you can take a moment to realize that they are suffering through a moment of ignorance, as I sometimes do. Granted, some of us are more adept at simmering in ignorance than moving through it, but we all go through it a little bit. After all, physically, we are all 1% asshole, but emotionally, some of us really embrace the role. Nevertheless, if you can see past it, all of us are a whole lot more than our worst moments.