When I was living in Los Angeles, I was still trying to come to grips with my place in the modern world. And while my gigs as a production assistant, background extra, caterer, and motorcycle messenger actually worked quite well with my ADD characteristics, overall, I was still working through some issues on how society worked and how I could work within it effectively.
Of course, I’m still working through that now, but it’s been 18 years since I wrote this song, so I at least have a more comfortable perspecctive on things.
Just as I had my season of reckoning with Attention Deficit Disorder and the ravages of my neurological malady, these days, I see quite a few people coming to grips with their own issues, and some of them are actually using their vulnerabilities to work through their depression, anxiety disorders, addictions, and other issues that add to the burden one must carry along the journey from cradle to grave. Although we all have varying degrees of success in our endeavors, the mere fact that we are trying to improve our stations in life and improve the world around us gives us the experience of a fuller life.
While some still bemoan my optimism over the coming Revolution of Wisdom and the democratization of the economic system, I would still rather run joyfully headlong into failure so that someone else may learn from my mistakes than cling to the apathy and fear that keeps so many people feeling stagnant and unfulfilled. I may never live up to anyone’s expectations, but I do try.
Here is the downloadable audio of the song or watch the video below…
I spent some time there underneath the Bodhi tree,
not long enough, I’m not a patient man.
Dharma don’t come easy for a guy like me.
I hope I think I wonder if I can.
Each day I keep on workin’ in my wicked ways.
It seems the only thing that’s killing me is me,
a wanderer who’s givin’ up his rambling ways,
an outlaw who can’t pay the penalty,
but I’ll try, oh, I will try.
This world has got no use now for a dreamer.
If I don’t punch in then I don’t get my pay.
I need to be a mover and a schemer,
but this poet’s mind just doesn’t work that way.
Your brave new world is really startin’ to scare me.
Where I fit in I haven’t got a clue.
I would rise to every challenge when you dare me,
but you’ve given me just oh so much to do.
but I’ll try, oh, I will try
My mind tends to wander and my body follows.
A single thought is never on my mind.
Every day is yesterday as well as tomorrow,
thoughts are racin’ to keep up with time.
If only I could make you see what I’m goin’ through.
If only I could make you understand.
This heart on my sleeve is all I have to offer you.
My mind just cannot conceive your plan,
but I’ll try, oh, I will try
I will try
to find my way.
